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"This book is worth a course of therapy! It is for anyone who has ever been weighed down by the delusion that sheer will and control could deliver a desired outcome. Through compelling case histories, Mr. Miller presents universal examples of the costs of this kind of disordered thinking, and step by step, shows us the way out. “Losing Control, Finding Serenity” is the missing link to uncovering the true wisdom of the Serenity Prayer.."
Barbara LaSalle, MFT
Author of Finding Ben
“Miller’s insight into letting go allows people to become truly who God intends them to be and therefore more fully human.”
Rev.Cannon Normans S. Hull
The Blessings of Acceptance
Are You a Controller?
Many, if not most, controllers have little inkling about how much, how often, and in which ways they try to control people and things. They can spot it in others, but not in themselves. (Try to control a controller, and you will see what I mean.) Quite a few, in fact, will deny they are controllers, so deeply ingrained are their control patterns.
Are you a controller? Are you sure? Well, let’s find out. Answer these questions as truthfully as you can. Do you believe that:
- Helping your loved one remove his or her clutter will result in her being better organized?
- Searching for the “right” person will help you find the person that is right for you?
- Working hard to improve an art work will make it better?
- Your way of doing things is usually the best way?
- You’re right most of the time?
- Do you usually feel uneasy letting things play out by themselves?
- You are better off not delegating matters to others?
- Perfection is an admirable goal?
- Insisting that your daughter study for her tests without playing loud music will result in her getting better grades?
- Suggesting more than once that your friend or loved one should do something will increase the chances he or she will do it?
- Admonishing another’s rude behavior will make him act nicer?
- Pressuring your sales force to produce more will result in greater sales?
- Telling your teammates how they should play the game will improve your chances of winning?
- Advising your son how he should run his business will result in his following your advice?
- Harping at your husband about his excessive drinking will make him drink less?
- Telling your sister that she needs to eat healthier food will result in her changing her diet?
- Yelling at your 12 year old son to be more aggressive on the soccer field will result in his playing more aggressively?
- Telling your golf partner that he needs to relax more when hitting his iron shots will result in his making better shots?
A predisposition to answer “yes” to more than a few of these questions is a good indication that you are a controller. Now, here’s another question for you: Even if you don’t believe these things, do you still do them?