Amazon Personal
Growth & Inspiration
Best Seller!

Amazon Codependency Best Seller!

ForeWord Reviews 2011
Book of the Year Award Finalist!

About the Book

What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control?

At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers.

At home, they obsess over finding the “right" person. Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong.

As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children’s preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views.

Sound familiar? Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselves—or realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness.

In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011) Daniel A. Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life. What’s more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts.

Book Reviewers'
Praise for the Book

"Daniel A. Miller has done an amazing job in delving deeply into the crevices of how most us would need to be in control, one way or another—in varying degrees—not always realizing how it rules and affects our lives and even more so—the lives and happiness of others.

Daniel has clearly lived it, seen the damage, and has learned from it and has designed a formula to teach people how to change these controls by finding, understanding and releasing issues one step at a time. He has created a way of guiding and educating the reader, in a very understandable and logical way, to help everyone "Let Go". A must read for everyone!


"Losing Control, Finding Serenity pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life. It shows those of us who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts.

Sharing his journey of transformation from up-tight control driven attorney to life-loving person who works less and earns more, Daniel Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to "surrender": his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace. Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged control freaks, he guides us through an honest inventory of our control patterns, leading us to discover this compulsion is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxiety, and insecurity, then aggravated by anger and resentments. In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond our control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, ever changing mystery."



"This book is worth a course of therapy! It is for anyone who has ever been weighed down by the delusion that sheer will and control could deliver a desired outcome. Through compelling case histories, Mr. Miller presents universal examples of the costs of this kind of disordered thinking, and step by step, shows us the way out. “Losing Control, Finding Serenity” is the missing link to uncovering the true wisdom of the Serenity Prayer.."

Barbara LaSalle, MFT
Author of Finding Ben

"As a newcomer to Stoicism, I found Losing Control, Finding Serenity to be invaluable. I feel enriched by the many illustrative anecdotes and practical tips for letting go of control (in a mature and responsible manner) of the urge to control every aspect of my life"

Mark Frauenfelder,
Founder of BoingBoing

Are You a Controller?

Many, if not most, controllers have little inkling about how much, how often, and in which ways they try to control people and things. They can spot it in others, but not in themselves. (Try to control a controller, and you will see what I mean.) Quite a few, in fact, will deny they are controllers, so deeply ingrained are their control patterns.

Are you a controller? Are you sure? Well, let’s find out. Answer these questions as truthfully as you can. Do you believe that:

  • Helping your loved one remove his or her clutter will result in her being better organized?
  • Searching for the “right” person will help you find the person that is right for you?

Switch to our mobile site